When I was 14, I would purposely miss my highschool bus stop just to get a glimpse of him. We grew up down the street from each other and our brothers were best buddies. He had eyes as blue as the sky and the most charming crooked smile. Our story started then, in a small town outside of San Diego, CA.
He was my first boyfriend, my first love, my husband, and the father of our son. We had what Nicolas Sparks wrote about, that kind of crazy, young love.
9 years after we met, our time together was cut short by his accidental overdose from the meds he took after being severely injured in Baghdad, Iraq by an EFP while serving his country.
My husband was Spc. Carl D Hall III. A gunner for the US Army He was proud to be an Airborne Infantry BCO man.
After he had joined it never dawned on me the severity of his enlistment. I was ignorant in the fact that he might get hurt or ever was in danger. He would tell me “I’m playing guitar tonight” to let me know he was on a mission or patrol. It never really sunk in.
On his second tour in the Fall of 2011 I was 6 months pregnant with our son. On Nov 14 at 2:01 am I got the call. My blue eyes had been injured and his close friend had been killed from the blast to their MRAP. They referred to it as a “shark bite” injury to his left calf. He was missing 45% of it. Along with a concussion and massive shrapnel wounds to his thighs. My world was turned upside down and my warrior was wounded. I headed to Ft Bragg, NC where he was stationed (I was with our families back in San Diego while pregnant) only to find the empty shell of what was my husband. He was angry and sour. Violent and hot tempered. He had changed.
I spent the next 8 months in Womack Army Medical Center between his nonstop appointments and surgeries and my prenatal appointments and then the birth of our son, Barrett.
There were so many triumphs, so much love and progress and also so much defeat and heartache. Between being newlyweds, moving cross country, taking care of my severely injured Infantryman with PTSD (and a TBI) and learning to be parents to our newborn son we had our hands full. We did the best we could with the terrible cards we were given. Then the PTSD took over, my chivalrous, sweet man turned into a monster. After they took his jump wings from him he was a mess. The WTB was a joke. They failed him. He began hoarding ammo, cutting off friends, threatening me, even becoming physical and abusive. He began to drink heavily, he felt so alone. Mixed with the insane amount of oxycontin and morphine they kept giving him it was toxic. We tried therapy, every medication under the sun but nothing seemed to help.
On June 27, 2012 at 8am I found him blue on our couch. My last contact with my childhood sweetheart was trying to breathe life into his empty lungs again. He was gone. This month marks the year of his passing and I am nothing but numb. I can’t seem to move past this hole in my heart, but the only thing keeping it beating is our beautiful (now 15 month old) son. Who looks just like his daddy. I am so grateful they got to spend 4 wonderful months together.
I’m working on the healing part, and yes, things have gotten easier and time has helped a bit. But I think I am still in denial. But that’s okay, that’s part of healing right? We’ll get through it.
I never thought I’d be a 25 yr old single mom and military widow.. I know my story is rare and unique in that my husband did not die in combat, but he did die serving his country. He was our hero. I share this tragedy in hopes of letting another widow of similar circumstance know that you are not alone.
Forever his and proud to be.
A Hall
9 years after we met, our time together was cut short by his accidental overdose from the meds he took after being severely injured in Baghdad, Iraq…
C+A
When I was 14, I would purposely miss my highschool bus stop just to get a glimpse of him. We grew up down the street from each other and our brothers were best buddies. He had eyes as blue as the sky and the most charming crooked smile. Our story started then, in a small town outside of San Diego, CA.
He was my first boyfriend, my first love, my husband, and the father of our son. We had what Nicolas Sparks wrote about, that kind of crazy, young love.
9 years after we met, our time together was cut short by his accidental overdose from the meds he took after being severely injured in Baghdad, Iraq by an EFP while serving his country.
My husband was Spc. Carl D Hall III. A gunner for the US Army He was proud to be an Airborne Infantry BCO man.
After he had joined it never dawned on me the severity of his enlistment. I was ignorant in the fact that he might get hurt or ever was in danger. He would tell me “I’m playing guitar tonight” to let me know he was on a mission or patrol. It never really sunk in.
On his second tour in the Fall of 2011 I was 6 months pregnant with our son. On Nov 14 at 2:01 am I got the call. My blue eyes had been injured and his close friend had been killed from the blast to their MRAP. They referred to it as a “shark bite” injury to his left calf. He was missing 45% of it. Along with a concussion and massive shrapnel wounds to his thighs. My world was turned upside down and my warrior was wounded. I headed to Ft Bragg, NC where he was stationed (I was with our families back in San Diego while pregnant) only to find the empty shell of what was my husband. He was angry and sour. Violent and hot tempered. He had changed.
I spent the next 8 months in Womack Army Medical Center between his nonstop appointments and surgeries and my prenatal appointments and then the birth of our son, Barrett.
There were so many triumphs, so much love and progress and also so much defeat and heartache. Between being newlyweds, moving cross country, taking care of my severely injured Infantryman with PTSD (and a TBI) and learning to be parents to our newborn son we had our hands full. We did the best we could with the terrible cards we were given. Then the PTSD took over, my chivalrous, sweet man turned into a monster. After they took his jump wings from him he was a mess. The WTB was a joke. They failed him. He began hoarding ammo, cutting off friends, threatening me, even becoming physical and abusive. He began to drink heavily, he felt so alone. Mixed with the insane amount of oxycontin and morphine they kept giving him it was toxic. We tried therapy, every medication under the sun but nothing seemed to help.
On June 27, 2012 at 8am I found him blue on our couch. My last contact with my childhood sweetheart was trying to breathe life into his empty lungs again. He was gone. This month marks the year of his passing and I am nothing but numb. I can’t seem to move past this hole in my heart, but the only thing keeping it beating is our beautiful (now 15 month old) son. Who looks just like his daddy. I am so grateful they got to spend 4 wonderful months together.
I’m working on the healing part, and yes, things have gotten easier and time has helped a bit. But I think I am still in denial. But that’s okay, that’s part of healing right? We’ll get through it.
I never thought I’d be a 25 yr old single mom and military widow.. I know my story is rare and unique in that my husband did not die in combat, but he did die serving his country. He was our hero. I share this tragedy in hopes of letting another widow of similar circumstance know that you are not alone.
Forever his and proud to be.
A Hall
8 thoughts on “C+A”
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Our stories are oddly similar in many ways. I am
Thinking about you and praying for you and Your son.
Thank you for sharing your heart wrenching story.
I know it may seem that a noncombat death is rare because we usually only hear about the combat deaths. I think I read that 80% of all active duty deaths are non combat. What is rare is to be a 25 year old widow – my heart goes out to you.
When I was 33 with 5 young children, my own husband was shot and killed on active duty, but not a combat death, either. We are here all around you. You are not alone.
God bless.
alexandria thank you for sharing youve been thru a tremedous loss, my mom was a young widow and my dad was a marine, he left the service by his moms influnence and took it out on her, he too passed due to accidental meds, and she had 4 of us under 5, I hope you know she continued on in life , even got a ged, and worked for mental health for a while, she is now in her 79 th year and going strong, and have survived the loss of 3 husbands. I wish you well, hugs.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son. Please know we are all here to help you no matter what time day or night.
Alexandra,
I usually feel very isolated by stories of military widows, so I tend to retreat. But I need to let you know that what you went through, you are not alone. I was a widow at 25 (we are coming up on 3 years this August), I was also a widow of overdose from PTSD and TBI. My husband didn’t serve in the military, his brain was damaged in a car crash that killed a friend (and ultimately him, over a span of 10 disintegrating years). Sending you big hugs and much love. You are not alone.
Thank you for sharing your story. I too was widowed at 25 when my husband and 4 other men were killed when an improvised explosive device hit their armored personnel carrier while he was touring in Iraq. Though nine years have passed, there still isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. It’s a long road to travel and we all just need to be there for each other and be willing to listen. God Bless you and your sob Barrett.
I feel your pain my hubby passed away two yrs ago and it was not in combat it was from PTSD trauma over medication and just feeling like the Army gave up on him he was older than me and was in the Army almost 29yrs! So he seen alot of combat our lives changed forever once his PTSD blew up and it hurt so much to see the love of my life change into a bitter angry man he even drank heavily too i took care of him and our four kids it was not easy he passed away from kidney failure that occured out the blew 🙁 my prayers are with u and ur baby u may feel like u cant get past this but you will with time to me having nursed our Soldiers and loosing them becomes a lil bit more painful than if they had died overseas (not saying our pain is greater but some of pur emotions are a lil different) good luck and God bless
My heart goes out to you. I know you miss your husband but perhaps for you their is some peace that he is at peace now. My husband doesn’t say much about what went on over there but I see he fights with it daily. Your son is a constant reminder that God gave you the love of your life to have this son. This may not be of any comfort to you but I pray that it will be. Take care and know that there are women and men out here fighting for you. God Bless.