On March 27th, 2012 my life was forever changed.
I was 18 weeks pregnant with our first child, up and at ’em early that morning, getting ready to go to my second trimester ultrasound appointment. I had been trying all morning to reach my fiancé because he always watched our son’s ultrasounds over skype…he was already such a proud Daddy. But ring after ring with no answer left me confused and worried….I didn’t want him to miss it. I tried one last time to call him, but just moments later, as I was rushing to leave, I got the news I never wanted to hear.
My fiancé, A1C Joel M Barrow, had been killed. Only 20 years old. Just 2 months away from returning home, after a total of 15 months overseas. In an instant, my whole world fell apart. I lost the love of my life, and the father of our unborn child.
Now, our son is almost 6 weeks old, our ‘supposed to be’ wedding is in just 3 days, and it’s coming up on 6 months since I lost my Joel.
These have been the scariest months of my life, and everyday is a battle without him. But he left me with the greatest gift, a part of him, in the sweetest little boy I know. And for that, I am forever thankful.
Always and Forever <3
Rest In Peace Love
Only 20 years old. Just 2 months away from returning home, after a total of 15 months overseas.
My Hero
On March 27th, 2012 my life was forever changed.
I was 18 weeks pregnant with our first child, up and at ’em early that morning, getting ready to go to my second trimester ultrasound appointment. I had been trying all morning to reach my fiancé because he always watched our son’s ultrasounds over skype…he was already such a proud Daddy. But ring after ring with no answer left me confused and worried….I didn’t want him to miss it. I tried one last time to call him, but just moments later, as I was rushing to leave, I got the news I never wanted to hear.
My fiancé, A1C Joel M Barrow, had been killed. Only 20 years old. Just 2 months away from returning home, after a total of 15 months overseas. In an instant, my whole world fell apart. I lost the love of my life, and the father of our unborn child.
Now, our son is almost 6 weeks old, our ‘supposed to be’ wedding is in just 3 days, and it’s coming up on 6 months since I lost my Joel.
These have been the scariest months of my life, and everyday is a battle without him. But he left me with the greatest gift, a part of him, in the sweetest little boy I know. And for that, I am forever thankful.
Always and Forever <3
Rest In Peace Love
5 thoughts on “My Hero”
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My Dear Lenae, Such a tradgedy to have at such a young age. I know Joel would be so proud of you, and his son. You should tell your son about his father as he is growing up; it will make it so that he knows how much he was wanted, and loved. Joel and yourself look a beautiful couple, and I feel sure you would have had many memories to come. As this is not to be, remember he loved you for who you are, and forever will be. You;ll see cheeky smiles from your son that will remind you of Joel; that could bring tears as well as smiles to your face over the years. You’ll beable to tell your son he’s just like his daddy. I do wish you well for the future Lenae and hope you have people around you for support. All my love, Doreen Kuyper.
Lenae,
Hi, sweetie! I know this is a difficult journey for you… I can’t imagine being only 18 weeks and finding out news like that…
However, you and I do share something very similar. I, too, lost my hubby while expecting our son. I was 34 weeks when I got the call my husband had been shot while on patrol in Afghanistan. He was taken off life support 5 days later.
I had our beautiful baby boy a month later! It was the most difficult thing I have every done! Andy was shot on valentine’s day 2011. It will be two years this next February… I can not lie… it is still hard, if not harder. I am dealing with a lot of emotions that I thought I wouldn’t be. But, I do recommend counseling if you have access to a VA?
Anyways, I am not here to try and make you feel like my situation is any worse than yours because it’s not. We both know the feeling of being in labor knowing our child’s father will never hold him in his arms. That our sons will never meet their father. However, I do want to reach out to you and give you my contact information if you would like it. I am still in counseling and still have my days that’s for sure. I have started dating… a wonderful man. He is widower himself. (it doesn’t make it any easier dating a widower…fyi)…. anyways, let me know if you would be interested in contacting me. I attached my blog so if you want you are welcome to go to it and read a little more about me and my son. My email should be there too. I am also on facebook.
No one can fix it… but maybe it will help to talk to someone who has been there a little bit too?
Also, I am so sorry to hear about the sad day coming up for you… just let it be a happy one (if you can). It was intended to be a happy day so he would want you to still let it me. Maybe do something fun like go to the park… or go to the place you planned on marrying at… idk… just some ideas.
Okay… I will let that be all I say right now! If I do not hear from you, I do wish you luck with everything you do… and always hold on to God and Faith. It will get you through the darkest, loneliness nights. 🙂 xo
Hi Lenae, I am so touched by your story and circumstances. So sorry that you have been struck such a blow so early in life. We don’t always know why things happen, but we do know that God will never leave us nor forsake us. It’s difficult to trust at a time like this, but if you just trust in the Lord you will be comforted, you will find peace and yes, you will be strengthened. He knows your heart, He knows your hurt, He knows you and that precious little boy. It’s never easy to lose a loved one, but with God on your side, you will see a better day; He promises to help us get there. You have your life ahead of you and the life of your son is counting on you. I pray that you have a home church that you can go to for help and not be afraid to share your story. God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers.
god blessed both of you !
Lenae,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband almost exactly one month before you lost yours and I was 12 weeks pregnant with our first. I now have a 3 month old little girl who is named after her Daddy. If you ever need anyone to talk to who may understand what you are going through please feel free to contact me. It is hard to connect with my friends who still have their husbands, just is not the same as venting to someone who has been there. Hope you are doing alright.
-Nicole Little