I first met Allen, Al to his friends, in the fall of 1991. I was dating someone else, and he was friends with my brother and his first wife. I would try on outfits and ask him what he thought. He was brutally honest! I immediately liked him for that! I was told by my brother’s wife that Al liked me. I had just broken up with the boyfriend and didn’t feel I was ready for anything more. Fate had other plans.
Al was working as an electrician’s apprentice and asked me out. Our fist date was us driving around the suburbs of Chicago while he showed me all the parking lot lights he had put in. I loved it. His enthusiasm was infectious. I was hooked! We married in ’93 and had our children in ’94,’96, ’97, and ’00. 2 girls and 2 boys. He said we had an heir and a spare for each! He was feeling burnt out as an electrician, so he joined the Army and left July 4, 2001. He was 34.
He was allowed to keep in touch during basic because he was so old! This was the first time we had ever been apart for longer than a weekend. We both never realized how hard it could be. I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my leg and needed a new knee. When he found out, he said I’m coming home, you need me. I said, “No ,because you’ll have to start basic all over again”. We got through it. Our first duty station was Fort Polk, La. He made friends quickly. He was a Geronimo. That unit, 509, was his favorite. We were there for 6 years. Then in 2007 we PCS’d to Fort Campbell, Ky. 2 BN 327th B. Co. No Slack. He deployed 3 months later. I wrote everyday. He did as well. We had weekly phone calls.
He kept losing his buddies. I tried to keep the talk as normal as possible. When he got home he had changed. Gone was the sparkle in his wonderful brown eyes. He was haunted. He screamed in his sleep. His smile was not the same. We weren’t the same. We argued all the time. He wouldn’t let me in his world. No one would help me. No one would help him. On Saturday, January 29,2010 Al hung himself in our garage after an argument. Our children were home. I was home. Our oldest had just had her 16th birthday on the 22nd. Our second oldest had just had his 14th birthday on the 28th. He found his father in the garage. I’m 5’4″ and couldn’t reach him to cut him down. My oldest had to do it. I had given him CPR but it didn’t work. He died that day. We all did.
The kids all see a therapist now. I do too. But we miss him so much. There is so much responsibility I feel over this. It has gotten better, but it’s slow going. My heart aches for his hands in mine. My soul aches for his laughter and his presence. All I can do is wait until I can see him again. I have coffee with him every morning and a cup of tea or glass of wine with him at night. He will always be my best friend and soulmate. Thank you for allowing me to get this out. I’m crying as I type, but it’s not the sad, pathetic tears that they normally are. I will be fine, I have to be, for me and our 4 children.
Mrs. Allen D. Corwin
He kept losing his buddies. I tried to keep the talk as normal as possible. When he got home he had changed. Gone was the sparkle…
Al, My Best Friend
I first met Allen, Al to his friends, in the fall of 1991. I was dating someone else, and he was friends with my brother and his first wife. I would try on outfits and ask him what he thought. He was brutally honest! I immediately liked him for that! I was told by my brother’s wife that Al liked me. I had just broken up with the boyfriend and didn’t feel I was ready for anything more. Fate had other plans.
Al was working as an electrician’s apprentice and asked me out. Our fist date was us driving around the suburbs of Chicago while he showed me all the parking lot lights he had put in. I loved it. His enthusiasm was infectious. I was hooked! We married in ’93 and had our children in ’94,’96, ’97, and ’00. 2 girls and 2 boys. He said we had an heir and a spare for each! He was feeling burnt out as an electrician, so he joined the Army and left July 4, 2001. He was 34.
He was allowed to keep in touch during basic because he was so old! This was the first time we had ever been apart for longer than a weekend. We both never realized how hard it could be. I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my leg and needed a new knee. When he found out, he said I’m coming home, you need me. I said, “No ,because you’ll have to start basic all over again”. We got through it. Our first duty station was Fort Polk, La. He made friends quickly. He was a Geronimo. That unit, 509, was his favorite. We were there for 6 years. Then in 2007 we PCS’d to Fort Campbell, Ky. 2 BN 327th B. Co. No Slack. He deployed 3 months later. I wrote everyday. He did as well. We had weekly phone calls.
He kept losing his buddies. I tried to keep the talk as normal as possible. When he got home he had changed. Gone was the sparkle in his wonderful brown eyes. He was haunted. He screamed in his sleep. His smile was not the same. We weren’t the same. We argued all the time. He wouldn’t let me in his world. No one would help me. No one would help him. On Saturday, January 29,2010 Al hung himself in our garage after an argument. Our children were home. I was home. Our oldest had just had her 16th birthday on the 22nd. Our second oldest had just had his 14th birthday on the 28th. He found his father in the garage. I’m 5’4″ and couldn’t reach him to cut him down. My oldest had to do it. I had given him CPR but it didn’t work. He died that day. We all did.
The kids all see a therapist now. I do too. But we miss him so much. There is so much responsibility I feel over this. It has gotten better, but it’s slow going. My heart aches for his hands in mine. My soul aches for his laughter and his presence. All I can do is wait until I can see him again. I have coffee with him every morning and a cup of tea or glass of wine with him at night. He will always be my best friend and soulmate. Thank you for allowing me to get this out. I’m crying as I type, but it’s not the sad, pathetic tears that they normally are. I will be fine, I have to be, for me and our 4 children.
Mrs. Allen D. Corwin
11 thoughts on “Al, My Best Friend”
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I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry your children had to see that. I can’t imagine how horrible that was. I will pray for you all that the memories of the good times will come easier than the recent tough ones. It rips my heart out to see more and more of our vets not getting the care they need to help them cope with everything. Families need just as much care. I hope that your family is getting taken care of with benefits. Blessings for you.
My heart aches for you and your children. I pray you feel his love all around you.
Mrs. Crowin, my heart goes out to you…the ache for the one we were suppose to grow old with I think will always be there. We do get past the days of crying all the time, but there are always the trigers…Valentines day, thir birthdays…ect. The heart does protact us some, but we always feel the ache.
Please feel free to email me if you like. I lost my Beloved October 28th at 12:15 Am..Life is never been the same.
Mrs. Larry Long
Mrs. Crowin, my heart goes out to you…the ache for the one we were suppose to grow old with I think will always be there. We do get past the days of crying all the time, but there are always the trigers…Valentines day, thir birthdays…ect. The heart does protact us some, but we always feel the ache.
Please feel free to email me if you like. I lost my Beloved October 28th at 12:15 Am..Life is never been the same.
Mrs. Larry Long
I married my husband in 1992 in the midst of my crises with terminal cancer
Rickey had deployed when our military began this war on terror in 1989
He was diagnosed with PTSD and I was alarmed that the military had no Health Providers or sources to help my husband and we, his family
He had several mental break downs, but because of Jesus and my belief in the fact that God would make a way, Rickey became a certified Police Officer
In 2005 he went back to Kuwait as a Civilian Contractor and remained there until his death in 2008
My life has spun out of control and I weep constantly because the weight is so heavy
I have sought counseling on Post, but they have no clue
I thank God for a strong family support system and Christian community
I am so so sorry You have heard this I am sure but it has gotten me thru a lot. He is in a better place and the pain is gone. But you will be with him some day and you won’t be separated again. Amen and big hugs
Thank you so much Lauren for sharing your story with us. PTSD is not an easy issue to deal with and that is why your life story can help so many others. It is a long hard journey so remember, “together we can do what we can not do alone.” As we each walk our personal journey, we are not alone. It is so very important to stay connected with others who understand. It is so important to share and talk about your experiences openly. It is too much pain to keep inside. Love to you and your children. <3
Thank You for sharing your touching story Mrs. Allen D. Corwin. My beloved husband of ten years, a member of the US Army, also hung himself in our home this past summer on June 22, 2012. We have a six year old little boy. We have been absolutely devastated by his sudden and tragic death. Much like your beloved Allen, Brian was a changed and haunted soul, plagued with horrific nightmares. To this day I do not fully understand what drove him to end things in the way he did and I do not know if I ever will understand. Living without him is absolutely unbearable. It has been heartbreaking trying to help our little boy understand what has happened. It has been almost eight months now and we still seem to be in a fog. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, I know that it is painful to discuss.
so sorry for your loss, it sounds like he has ptsd and you tried to help and couldnt get the help you needed, I will pray.
I read several stories on here and was really touched by all of them but especially yours. My husband has PTSD and has had for many years. We are both in counseling through the VA and it helps a lot. Please do not blame yourself or feel guilty, there was nothing you could have done, you were there for him which is more than a lot of wives did when their husbands returned a changed person. Although I still have my husband I feel your pain I suppose that is because I know the same thing could happen to us. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Sweet Mrs. Corwin, I lost my husband to a heart attack the day after Thanksgiving. I am writing to affirm that good resources for help with PTSD are incredibly hard to find, what you two were going through was so normal when PTSD is a central issue, and the strife was so so so not your fault. I know you probably know this, but I wanted to say it anyway, just in case you needed to hear it. A husband with PTSD is very, very hard to have peace with when you are in the moment … and it’s torturous to see him clearly after he’s in Heaven, when you’re still here, holding it together for the kids, trying to reconcile the emotional mess you’re left with in your heart. We had a 5-year battle with PTSD … not military-service caused, but destructive just the same; PTSD is *awful*. We were going to start sleeping in the bed together again that weekend … but that Friday night, he was gone. All this to say … I hear you, sister. Write if you would like to connect; you are very very much not alone. charityandwalterfeb@comcast.net