Waking up
realizing it’s all still real
and you’re still gone
I’m here all alone

Waking up
it hits me again
the world ticks by
when I just want it to end

And then I get up
and I realize
I’ll be ok
I smile at a friend
and laugh at a joke
and the world ticks by

I miss you everyday
but life goes on anyway

I remember waking up the first few months after he died, and it would hit me anew the reality of his death.  I would have to survive each morning through this realization, and have to process my world without my husband.  Sometimes, even years later, I still wake up and the reality of losing him hits me again.  At first, I didn’t have the strength or the desire to get up and keep going.  I had friends and family and even small children to coax me out of my little hole where I wallowed in pain and disbelief.  It was a dark place, although my memory is kind to me and has shut a lot of it out.  And, eventually I did find my own inner strength and my own desire to move forward through my life even though it felt like the world should have ended with that moment I learned he was gone.  I still miss him, but I’m ok, and some days I’m better than ok and life is beautiful.