He saved my life… Now, its my turn to save his.
I met Kevin when I first moved to Las Vegas 3 years ago. He was the maintenance supervisor of the apartment complex that I moved into. Always positive, wishing me luck for every job interview that I had and just “knew I would get it”.
When I moved out of the apartments, I had never thought I would see or even talked to him again, but sure as shit he called me and wanted to take me out to dinner. To get him off my back, or so I thought, I let him take me to dinner, Bautista’s. The plates were $22 a piece, a little expensive for my taste but it was bomby. After dinner, he took me home still opening doors, and being an all around gentleman. And no, he didn’t stop calling. We had started dating but he was “my boyfriend w/o the title” lol (I’m a brat) May 5, 2011, we are making his, now our, enormous bed and he says. “So do you want to be my girlfriend or not, because this whole boyfriend without the title thing is kinda silly.” I can’t help but say yes.
Kevin is by far the most phenomenal boyfriend ever! I would get surprised with roses at work, tulips and perfume on the table waiting for me to come home, he never got angry at me just spoiled me rotten. He said I was his queen and needed to be treated like one. I end up moving in. We now live in his house in a beautiful gated community where my oldest son Cameron makes new friends, and loves life even more.
July 2011, Kevin is complaining of severe heartburn. It wont go away.He tells me his left arm feels numb. In a panic I call my aunt who tells me to “get him to the hospital, he is having a heart attack” (or about to) Not wanting to go, I have to call his daughter Sabrina, who convinces him to let me take him. Good thing, he had 95% blockage in one artery and 78% in another… They rush him from Nellis Air Force Base to Sunrise Hospital. I’m there following the ambulance, waiting for surgery to be over. *sigh* all is good, and he feels like a new man! (He was diagnosed with angina, and peripheral vascular/artery disease) Three cardiac stents later, we get to go home like nothing happened.
Things are still perfect, until…
Late October, early November, I make some really stupid decisions and start using drugs. I was arrested on January 2, 2012 and spent 4 days in jail for a habit Kevin knew nothing about. He, being the wonderful man he is, tries everything he can to get me out of jail. (including trying to put the house as collateral) Nothing works so he just takes care of my son. Being the crazy that I am, I started using again later in January and meet “some guy.” Let the fighting begin. Not having to hide my use. I move out of Kevin’s house and into this new guys house with his 5 children. (wise decision I know) I thought life was just peachy. Until he wanted me to chose him over one of my best friends. She is a good woman, so that wasn’t going to happen. I move out of his house April 14, 2012 and stay with her for a little while, Kevin keeps asking me to “come home.” I still hadn’t forgiven myself for what I did to him, and it wasn’t fair so I declined. He tells me about a community garage sale coming up and said I can have all the profit. I take him up on that offer. At this garage sale, I am sick as a dog! and really tired. He buys me a pregnancy test. Its positive, and the baby isn’t his. But what does he do? He tells me that it’s time to come home so he can take care of me and this baby. One day when taking him to work (because my lovely ex ruined my car) I am all emotional and still not ok with the situation when I ask him “how can you be ok with this whole situation, knowing I’m having another mans baby.” he says, “well I don’t like it at all, but I love you and I am willing to see past it” I break into tears…WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE! now, i keep reminding myself, ‘girl, if you fuck this up you are stupid!’ Throughout my pregnancy, I am just bat shit crazy… completely unable to control my hormones/emotions. But Kevin doesn’t care. He loves me and is dealing with all of the ups and downs. He is by my side through the court dates and helps with whatever financially that Cameron or I may need, without even thinking twice.
His vascular disease starts acting up in September, which was a pain in the ass. Here I am as big as a house, sharing a hospital bed with Kevin to make sure that he gets the proper care, and doesn’t lose his feet. (He wasn’t getting circulation to his legs or feet due to a blockage) I accompany him in and out of the hospital for a few months. November, we notice a mass. Like his tonsils are swollen so we don’t think much of it. In the hospital for his PVD, they also treat him for “right neck cellulitis” Nothing works. After a few trips to the hospital, and this mass on his neck getting bigger, we can no longer just blow “joey off” yes we named it. Trying to get help for this mass was near impossible. We were told that its just an infection, here are some antibiotics. All the test results are coming back fine. WTF is really going on.
December 26, 2012. Kevin is called home early, I’m in labor! Hes really excited. Me, not so much. I have the baby just 4 hours after getting to the hospital. Kevin names him Colton. A healthy, and hairy, 7lb 3oz blue eyed, red haired bundle of joy!
Late January early February. Kevin is back in the hospital, he now can’t walk, the pain is too much for him to bear. Baby on one arm and Kevin in the wheelchair. Hospital again! More antibiotics, no help for the stents. Have a nice day, now go home. At a follow up appointment we were even told “there is nothing there to biopsy” EXCUSE ME!!! WHAT IS THIS 2ND HEAD HE HAS THEN!?
March 14, 2013 the day before his scheduled stent surgery I have to call the ambulance, Kevin is feeling pressure in his chest and having trouble breathing. They rush him to Desert springs hospital and say that he has pneumonia. Weird? He just had the pneumonia vaccine, less than 4 months ago. Here at desert springs they are concerned about “joey” his mass. The do a needle biopsy but don’t want to tell us the results. I literally have to demand it out of them. And still all she says was “the preliminary results showed malignant cells, but those are not the final” What a load of shit! I’m not happy, something needs to be done, but they can’t and won’t help us. So basically make him discharge AMA-against medical advice, not caring that his oxygen levels are at 86% max without having the tubes in his nose. Finally I get the Dr. to get a tank for us so that I can drive him to the Air force base. Another waste of time. All they do is keep him for a few days, take 300cc of fluid out and refer him to an oncologist. March 25th they tell him he has head and neck cancer.
At his follow up with the oncologist. She refers him out to a radiation therapy doctor, where he began treatment. He now has 3rd degree burns from this treatment we still don’t have an accurate diagnosis for. May 6th we get flown out by the VA in Long Beach where he is supposed to have a lymph node biopsy. Basically they say there is nothing we can do for you have a safe flight home. IM NOT HAVING ANY OF THIS CRAP! I RAISE HELL! AND IM NOT EVEN JOKING. Needless to say they find
a Dr. who is willing to give it a shot and do the biopsy, from his left armpit. Not sure it will even be what we want, we take it. They do the Biopsy the 8th and we fly home the 9th. May 20, its confirmed. Stage 4 lung, they want to start chemo immediately. We are at the hospital from 830 that morning until 2 that afternoon. He feels fine after his first infusion, and we go home. Tuesday he is a little nauseated, and cant stand the “stench.” The burns from the radiation have his skin “rotting away” its very painful, and he says the smell drives him crazy! Since his mouth has been swollen shut for the past 3 months he hasn’t had a solid meal in that long. So when he goes to throw up, its literally nothing. Dry heaving and trying to over come the pain. I have to sit back and watch the man that has never given up on me… The man I love and want to spend my life with, in excruciating pain, unable to help him. He can’t even shower himself completely, how is he going to work.
Just having a baby, my old man being sick and I have to take care of him. It kills me to see him in pain, getting calls from insensitive bill collectors that are just doing their job. Its not their job to care about why we aren’t paying, they are just trained to get the money we owe. Disability takes their sweet ass time and my welfare ended due to a lovely worker that put me in sanction. We were lucky enough to have his sister & dad that have helped out financially but that cant go on forever. They have their own family lives to tend to and households to care for. His daughter and I have put together a few fundraisers to try to get help. All the cancer foundations “don’t have funding” for anything in Las Vegas. I’m running out of options here. June 8, 2013 I become Mrs. Kilpatrick! He tells me everyday how he is so happy that I married him. “I can’t believe that you’re my Mrs. Kilpatrick” “Thank you for loving me” “Thank you for taking such good care of me” “I couldn’t do it without you Mrs. Kilpatrick” “Hey Wifey!!! I love you” Those words still echo in my head. I’ll never get to hear his voice say them to me again.
I can honestly say that he loved me unconditionally and I felt that I owed him so much because of it. So taking care of him while he was ill was the only way I could begin to do so. He never really asked anything of me, didn’t expect anything from me, he just loved me for me!
I was there every time he had to be hospitalized, even if it meant spending time away from my little one for a night or two. So when he is admitted to ICU from his heart rate being over 200, you can bet your bottom that I was right there! I have to help the man I love, he has never given up on me and I refuse to give up on him. He is a phenomenal man. He has the patience of a rock, the heart of a God, and the soul of a saint! He is my man.
July 3, 2013, I’m half in a chair, half on his hospital bed. He had ran his fingers through my hair which ALWAYS puts me to sleep, but I wake to a nurse coming in the room. Shes trying to wake Kevin. “How long has this thing been going off” “Kevin, wake up can you hear me?”
“Where is his nurse?” Those words haunt my dreams… My husband is gone. I’m so lost, what do I do now. I haven’t worked in over a year! I have the baby and my oldest. I’m not entitled to SSA benefits and the VA is a bear. His family hates me. They say mean things, steal and even
fight for his cremains. I had no problem splitting them.
But now I am, all alone… just me and my boys. Completely rejected by his family. Having to find a way to grieve while still being a full time mom and figure out how in the heck I am going to manage the bills that I now have to put in my name, apply for jobs, not let my boys see how hurt I really am. If they knew I felt like I have a gigantic wound where my heart should be and someone is constantly pouring salt in it, I think it would really be bad for us all. I will stay strong, that is what kevin would want me to do.