I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things that work for me in this whole “moving on” process and I wanted to share. I feel I’ve done an ok job with handling it. Due partly to the fact that a lot of these skills were learned while he was injured. Things weren’t easy then either. It has to be harder for widows who really never had to experience pain or really, really tough times with their spouse. So, I’m going to share some of the things I’ve learned really help me get through.

-Pace yourself in everything. Don’t make any hasty decisions. Our minds are all over the place. We may want something one day, then have no interest in it the next. Make sure each decision is very thought out.

-Count your blessings.

-Invest and budget. Spending a ton of money may make you feel better now, but you will regret it in the end.

-Keep your closest friends and family very close. You will need them to pry you off the floor. Probably more than once.

-Choose your friends wisely. You’re fragile. This is prime bad decision making time.

-You’re going to make some mistakes in different areas of your life. Forgive yourself and use those to make better decisions in the future.

-Make your environment pleasant. Your house, your city, everything. Your surroundings WILL effect your mood.

-Get as much of the outdoors as possible. Sunshine will greatly improve your mood. If it’s a cloudy day, take a bath and read a good, happy book like the “Happiness Project”.

-Allow yourself to grieve, but don’t allow it to consume you. What works for me is setting aside time slots. During that time I look at pictures, I cry, I think about him, and then when my time is up I get back to my day.

-Exercise. I struggle with this, but when I do it I feel SO much better.

-On the flip side….indulge in good food. This could be a totally personal thing, but something about REALLY good food makes me very happy. Take your girlfriend to a really nice restaraunt. Wear a dress. And enjoy.

-Be careful in relationships. Take things slow. I recommend starting out as friends. Just hang out and have fun. Make sure they know where you’re at with all of “this”. If things start to grow into a relationship… baby steps. There is no rush. If you go too fast you are risking a nasty rebound relationship and potential nasty breakup. I mean really… do we need that right now? And… there is no reason to feel guilty. Meeting someone else does not make you love your husband less. Sadly, he is gone. And we have two choices. We can either move on or die with them. Which would he want you to choose?

-Do something you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to.

-Take a vacation with a good friend. Even just a girls night on the town can do the trick!

-Listen to music that inspires you. Pandora.com has been a good friend of mine.

-Don’t beat yourself up if it’s taking you longer than normal to do daily tasks. It’s ok. If you are having a really difficult time getting things done, ask someone for help. People want to help you.

-Do not give yourself a time-line for your grief. Let it play out on it’s own.

-Pamper yourself. Get your hair done. Get your nails done. Even if you just have an at home spa day.

-Do something for someone else. Sometimes the best medicine is doing something for someone else. Maybe volunteer somewhere.

-Don’t drink too much. I made this mistake at first. Drinking has never done anything for me but drown the pain for a night then give me a hangover. Drinking too much is going to take you down a very long, painful road. I’m not saying you can’t have a few drinks with friends, just make sure you have control. Let your friends know if you think you may have a problem. They will help you.

-Love yourself. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to move on. He would want the same. You know he would.