Ready to date? Now there is a funny concept! You may be ready to date, but I can tell you now, not many men are ready to take you on.
There is this misconception that widows and in particular military widows come with so much baggage that no one would ever want to really date them nevertheless get into a really serious relationship with them. I was told over and over that there was no way any guy would willingly walk into a situation where he had to, 1. fill a war heroes boots (like they ever could or we want them to), 2. Deal with the emotional baggage the widow has or had, (because its so different than PMS?) 3. Be the “male” figure in her kids lives (how about just being a nice guy and a friend to them), 4. Deal with the family of the soldier and all that includes (yeah well I have to deal with them, they should too, right?) and last walk into a life that is not theirs (hmmm then I suggest to make the effort to make it yours too)….
And although understandable to some degree, still not fair at all. I have found in my brief experience in “dating” if you can call it that, that these men are right off the bat trying to give you a resume of how they compare to your husband. Or they are so full of shit that its just a laugh from the get go. Then there are the lying, cheating bastards that think its okay to walk all over and hurt a woman nevertheless a widow who has already gone through so much and just at the time when she is ready to open her heart again and love, they step on it crushing it into tiny pieces. The one thing I have noticed is that the guys that really “get it” and understand you as who you really are….are gay or married and well that leaves most of the jerks out there for us to deal with.
Now I am sure there are many guys out there that would be happy to take on our lives, situations and fill the void…so to speak, however I have not found one that is willing to do so. I have found a few that think they are “the bomb” and I have found a few that “acted like men” but in the end were just pathetic boys who played games but to find a man who would love me for me, love my kids even though they are not his and be okay with part of my heart always belonging to Chris, well that has not happened…
So this is my line of attack….I will just enjoy it all. I will date and take it at face value for what it is worth. A night out with either a jerk that I can laugh about later and add to my blog or a good guy that I just end up being friends with, and through all of it if I find someone worth getting to know then I will. Until then I plan on having fun. Not taking it too seriously and always having in the back of my mind the idea that this might just be it. I had the one love of my life and the rest of the time I will spend moving closer to the time when I am with him again.
So for those of you who are ready to date, don’t take it too seriously, don’t go out there looking for a life partner, go out there to have fun, live your life to the fullest and create memories good and bad ones that will build your life story and journey to the fullest! Make sure you hold your head high and don’t let any man tell you, you are not worth it, or broken or anything but amazing, strong, confident, but mostly filled with pride and honor for your husband. If he is worth keeping he will see all this in you and love you even more for it.
That is my two cents on dating…take it or leave it!