It was four months ago when two men in Class A’s came to the door to tell me you weren’t coming home. I knew before I opened the door what they were going to say and what they were there to do. I stood in disbelief and as the two men stared back at me through the glass door that leads out to the deck. I remember reaching for the door handle and pulling down on it, everything was in slow motion. I stared at them and they stared back. “Is he dead?” I heard myself say to them. “Oh my god, is he dead?”. “Ma’m are you Audrey Shaw?” one of them asked. “Is he dead?!” I heard myself yell. “Of course he’s dead, there’s two of you, of course he’s dead. If he wasn’t dead there’d be one of you in ACU’s.” I stammered to myself. “Of course he’s dead. Oh my God!” “Ma’m we need to verify that you’re Audrey Shaw before we can answer you.” I just pushed past them and walked onto the deck. My cell phone was signaling that I had a message. “Eric died” I replied to it. It sounded again and I threw it across the lawn. Crying and shaking I fell to my knees. “Ma’m is there anyone we can get for you, is anyone inside?” they asked. “No, well yes my mother is and my daughter’s are but they are just going to bed and I don’t want to wake them.” I replied. “Is there someone we could call for you?” he asked. “No.” I whispered. “Ma’m we need to tell you the details of the incident” one of them said as he held a paper in his hand. “I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to know” I cried. “Ma’m we have to tell you.” he said. “Small arms fire right?” I asked. “Yes ma’m”. “When?” I asked. “We don’t have a time ma’m, that’s all it says.” he informed me. Thoughts were racing a mile a minute through my brain, “this can’t be happening, this isn’t real, Oh My God what am I supposed to do?, what about the girls?, My husband’s dead?” “Ma’m we need to get some information from you. We need your social security number if you are going to want to go meet him when he lands in Dover.” “They have my social.” I replied and for a breif second I thought maybe these people were pulling a scam. Then I remembered where I was and that no one here would know that my husband was in the Army or deployed. “This isn’t real, this isn’t happening.” I repeated over and over to myself. “This can’t be real, it just can’t be.” “What am I supposed to do?! I don’t know what to do!”
I remember reaching for the door handle and pulling down on it, everything was in slow motion. I stared at them and they stared back. “Is he dead?” I heard myself say to them.
Losing You
It was four months ago when two men in Class A’s came to the door to tell me you weren’t coming home. I knew before I opened the door what they were going to say and what they were there to do. I stood in disbelief and as the two men stared back at me through the glass door that leads out to the deck. I remember reaching for the door handle and pulling down on it, everything was in slow motion. I stared at them and they stared back. “Is he dead?” I heard myself say to them. “Oh my god, is he dead?”. “Ma’m are you Audrey Shaw?” one of them asked. “Is he dead?!” I heard myself yell. “Of course he’s dead, there’s two of you, of course he’s dead. If he wasn’t dead there’d be one of you in ACU’s.” I stammered to myself. “Of course he’s dead. Oh my God!” “Ma’m we need to verify that you’re Audrey Shaw before we can answer you.” I just pushed past them and walked onto the deck. My cell phone was signaling that I had a message. “Eric died” I replied to it. It sounded again and I threw it across the lawn. Crying and shaking I fell to my knees. “Ma’m is there anyone we can get for you, is anyone inside?” they asked. “No, well yes my mother is and my daughter’s are but they are just going to bed and I don’t want to wake them.” I replied. “Is there someone we could call for you?” he asked. “No.” I whispered. “Ma’m we need to tell you the details of the incident” one of them said as he held a paper in his hand. “I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to know” I cried. “Ma’m we have to tell you.” he said. “Small arms fire right?” I asked. “Yes ma’m”. “When?” I asked. “We don’t have a time ma’m, that’s all it says.” he informed me. Thoughts were racing a mile a minute through my brain, “this can’t be happening, this isn’t real, Oh My God what am I supposed to do?, what about the girls?, My husband’s dead?” “Ma’m we need to get some information from you. We need your social security number if you are going to want to go meet him when he lands in Dover.” “They have my social.” I replied and for a breif second I thought maybe these people were pulling a scam. Then I remembered where I was and that no one here would know that my husband was in the Army or deployed. “This isn’t real, this isn’t happening.” I repeated over and over to myself. “This can’t be real, it just can’t be.” “What am I supposed to do?! I don’t know what to do!”