My husband of 14 years passed away about a month ago and i still cant believe it.There were times when i prayed for him to rot in hell. I cant even imagine what happened over there, but i know my husband had alot of hate in him,and it made his life hell on earth. Unfortunately when i met my husband i had a 8 and 10 year old, and he had 3 boys from a previous marriage. I cant really say what kind of hell he put his first family thru, but they never had anything to do with him and even though i notified them of his death i got no response. My husband alienated every one in his life. He was the first time i ever dealt with mental illness. And its so easy to say its mental illness its not their fault. Well i guess mental illness is a disease and its a very contagious one. Just like the alcoholism and the drug addiction. I do know whatever demons he carried with him they were his and he had no right to bring them down on my sons. They are grown now and not doing well at all. I guess i was raised that the father taught his sons self-respect and discipline and the mother taught them how to love. Every time i see them struggle, every time i see them suffering i get furious at myself for staying with my husband. 11 years in the service and three tours in Vietnam made life hell on earth for him but now he’s at peace and i pray for his soul because i’m a woman of God and i believe in forgiveness and i cant begin to imagine what demons tortured him but maybe after i process my feelings and try to come to grips with this i may be able to understand what i feel, but i sure wish i had someone who understood a little of what i feel so maybe they can explain it to me i’m just really confused.