It has been 2 years and 2 months since I had a knock on my door and it has been 2 years and 6 months since I last kissed you. I still remember when I dropped you at the airport in January of 2007. It was a snowie day and you told me to drop you off and leave. You didn’t want me to drive in the heavy snow. Up to today, I hate myself for listening to you, I should of stayed there and kissed you, hugged you and pinched your butt until the plane left. That is something that I still hate myself for, but the only thing I can do right now is just advise every military spouse to make everyday like is your last one.

That morning I had a dream. In this dream you were here in our living room and you looked at me and smiled. When I saw you, you still looked as cute as ever. You asked me a question and my answer to you was; “I will take care of it. Steven.” I hope that the smile you gave me that morning was a smile of a job well done. I hope you are proud of me and the things that I have accomplish. I’m still taking care of our children, our grandbaby, the house, your kitty and everything else that comes along, but I’m telling you, it has not been easy.

Steven, whenever I had a problem you were there for me and the kids. You always had the right answer to all the problems. Now I have to learn by trial and error. I miss you so much, sometimes I think I’m not normal. I started meeting with other surviving spouses in Ft. Drum and it has helped me immensely, now I know that I’m not alone. That there are other spouses going through the same things and I can just call them at any time or email them and they will be here to help.

Baby, the month of June was a very difficult month for all of us and specially for me. June 8th was our anniversary, June 27th was our daughter’s high school graduation and your retirement month from the Army. It was hard to keep a smile on my face, but in reality, I cried the whole month. I know that we had plans to travel after your retirement and to have fun. Unfortunately, the only planning I have done was 2 years ago, I had to plan your funeral.

Baby, I don’t remember much about the planning of your funeral, but there is something that I still think about. One day before your body came here, the CAO came over and asked me what kind of casket I wanted. He showed me pictures of a wood and a metal casket and I broke down in tears and told everyone that was around me that I should have been off finding tickets to go away on your return.

Baby I would like to close by telling you that I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU and that WE ALL MISS YOU SO MUCH!

We will see each other soon,

Love, your wife
Wanda