My belated husband, SSG Shannon Weaver, was killed by an IED on May 21,
2007.  Things were amazing between the two of us.  Sure we had our ups
and downs, just like any other relationship, we fought during multiple
deployments, our first deployment was the worst, we were both deployed
and it was so much stress we almost didn’t make it.  The second
deployment was a bit better as I was not in the Army anymore.  The
third deployment got easier, but on the fourth deployment I could not
have asked for a better husband, he was kind and understanding and had
grown up during the years of back to back deployments. He got over the
stories of other soldiers wives doing this and that and focused on us
and how much he trusted in our relationship.

When he was to get back from that last deployment we were going to
focus on starting a family.  We were married for a little over five
years when he passed away.  The day I found out I thought i was just
going to die.  This was by far the hardest time of my life. I had
never been to a funeral, planned one or had anyone close to me die.  I
did not know what to expect and here I was planning a funeral for the
love of my life.  I managed to get through this time of grief.

For the following year I traveled and met some amazing people.  I even
dated someone for eleven months about a year and half after my Shannon
passed away.  I for sure call this guy my rebound guy, because I was so
cold to him and would not let him in.  Finally, one day, I just broke
it off with him and moved back home. It didn’t even phase me and I
know I broke his heart.  This guy could not replace my husband by any
means.

Then, as I had come to the conclusion around two years later that I
would not find anyone (I was not looking), I was snowboarding on top of
a mountain in Alaska and ran into someone.  Someone I spoke with on
how to not kill myself going down a black diamond.  He snowboarded
with me the whole day, I hung out with him for four days while I was
visiting friends.  I found this guy to be very interesting, funny, and
amazing.  For once, my emotions spun out of control, not in the same way
that my Shannon made them spin, but in a new light.  I found that I
could truly laugh and smile again.  This guy made me complete.  We now
have a beautiful baby girl together and are married.

I contemplate everyday on the subject of “Where should I be buried?”
You see, I have a double headed tomb stone and my will still states I
am to be buried next to my beloved Shannon. I am coming to realize, as
the months go by, that although Shannon will always be the love of my
life, I do have room for someone else.  We are humans of emotion and
love to feel that someone special next to us every night, to be able to
call that someone and talk to them just because and know someone is
there for me day in and day out.  I do believe Shannon to still be
with me, but I cannot do these things with him, I do know that i still
talk to him at times, like he is next to me and that will never change.
I will always be his wife and he my husband, but I have learned how
to find love again and am happy.  I think I have come to terms with
the fact that I gave Shannon six years of my life and I plan on giving
this new man the rest of my life, it may not be more than six years,
but I know he cannot live without me by his side.

I know we almost all wish that we could just have a flash forward on
what is to come but we will never know.  We never saw it coming when
our loved ones died.  The same thing could happen today or tomorrow,
you never know.  All you can do is hold on to the memories that have
come to pass and hope for the best for the future.

It is okay to re-marry in my eyes, I spoke with my husband about this
very subject before he left for all his deployments and he said he
would never be mad at me for remarrying and that he knew he may or may
not if the same had happened to me.  It took a few years for me to become
myself again and a man as amazing as my new husband to help me see
that there is nothing wrong with that.  He is so understanding when it
comes to the death of my Shannon.  He even goes to memorial ceremonies
with me and never questions when I want to do something for him or in
memoriam of him.  That is one thing you will always want to find in a
future spouse, because if he cannot support you in this matter, he is
not worth your time!  This is you, a part of your life ,and he will
have to live with it, especially on the days you are down and out
because of thoughts of your past husband or if you have emotional
breakdown because of another man that is not him.  It takes an
amazing and confident man or woman to understand a widows worries and
thoughts.

SSG Shannon Weaver you will forever be in my heart and soul and I hope
one day to see you again!