I’m at the end now. There is no where else to go. I’ve finally reached out my hand for help after 7 years of grief. My world literally ended the day the Chaplain came to my door to inform me of the death of my husband. This man had been my life for 17 wonderful years.
I was in shock for a couple of years. I did not allow myself to grieve. But I was strong. That’s what I was told over and over until I convinced myself that I could handle this grief alone. Sadly also I was always one step not behind but ahead of support or help for widows.
We left Ft Carson when they had begun building a wonderful support group. We arrived at Ft Knox but the nearest group was in Ft Campbell. Then by the time they started one on Knox we moved to SD where I was literally alone.
By that time I was in this downward spiral with no control, no direction, no support. I ended feeling so lost and alone. But during all this time I kept up the facade of being strong and ok, for my children. I knew that as long as they were ok that everything was ok.
Now here I am, not suicidal but caught in the very deepest darkest grips of years of depression. I’ve isolated myself, I’ve made bad choices and I’m completely lost.
I finally reached out to a counselor at a nearby Veterans Center. I knew if I didn’t take that first difficult baby step that things would not end well for me. Basically she said that I am at a crossroads right now and that I have a choice to make. I understand this and that’s easy for her to say but I’m the one here alone and scared and unable to think or decide anything.
I wish that I had never lost my husband but I have and I wish that I had received or reached for help and support before now but I hadn’t. So here I am, somehow I was blessed to find this site from a link on another widows FB post.
Thank you for allowing me to share something that I have kept locked away for years.