When I first met Matthew, it was like love at first site. He was the first man to make me smile again; he was the first to want to get to know me despite my tragic past. Most guys found me broken, but if he did then all he wanted to do was fix me. And I wasn’t opposed to letting him.
I remember one night we were lying on the couch just talking and talking and he asked me about Shawn. I cried telling him everything from the first night Shawn and I met until the day two men in uniform showed up at the house. I wasn’t sure how we would handle it; I had never let anyone in that far. Turns out that despite how “messed up” I thought I was, he saw something in me that he liked and later loved. The thing that I find romantically cheesy is that he asked his mom for advice, lucky for me it was some good advice.
Since that day I fell head over feet, even throughout deployments and weeks long training in other states, we have been “inseparable”. We have been blessed with almost three beautiful children and a wonderful life. And we both know we owe it to Shawn. It may sound a little crazy but I believe 100% that Shawn picked him out for me and made sure that we not only met but fell in love.
It has been four years since Matthew and I met and five since I lost Shawn in Iraq. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him. Most people think because Shawn is no longer here, that I can just move on and forget about him. The thing is Shawn and I didn’t divorce, we didn’t separate, we never stopped loving each other. Shawn died doing what he loved, defending our country. The process of grieving is lifelong. I will always love him. But that doesn’t make me love Matthew any less. Matthew has a strong understanding of the whole situation and he respects me and how I choose to deal with it. And he honors Shawn right along beside me. I respect and appreciate Matthew for being there for me, for helping me cope, for guiding me to be the woman I am today.
I realize how lucky I am to not have just fallen in love once but twice and both times to wonderful men. They are both my heroes and they both hold my heart in different but yet the same ways. I thank God for giving me a heart big enough to love them both. <3
Categories: Moving Forward