One Week Left

3 thoughts on “One Week Left

  1. dear adelia I was moved by your story of love and loss, and wanted to send you griefahre.org as a resouce for daily emails to help ( also maybe a group in your area if you go to website) I lost my own dad at age 3 accidental combination of meds , his heart stopped, my mom was young and left with 4 of us under age 5. I dont know if that helps and gives you some courage, I know you are enduring a lot, but your beautful spirit shines through your writting, your love and devotion to your spouse is there, and as I read your story and got to the end , when I heard what had happened all I could think that has to be another case of post traumatic stress disorder. I hold you in prayer, I am a widow at almost 5 years, and lost my husband former marine and usps. May God hold you close to his heart.

  2. My oldest daughter’s birthday is September 30, 2010 🙂

    I’m so sorry for your loss & your son’s loss but you two will always have an angel looking out for you both.

  3. Adela, you are not alone. I am a Vietnam widow whose husband also chose to end his life while on active duty (though at home, after two tours on the DMZ in Korea and two tours in Vietnam). For years I have wanted to hear the stories of others in this situation, but I’ve been a member of the Gold Star Wives and though we are all military widows, we have not shared personal stories. My story is not important right now — I will post that later, because I only joined AWP in June and am feeling my way around.

    However, my biggest concern at the moment is you and your son. Please share with us (or, e-mail me personally) your experience with the VA. Since your husband died on active duty, did you receive your VA benefits without a struggle? I went through “hell and high water” trying to get VA funds due my family (twin girls, age 9, and son, age 4, at the time). Back then (70s), suicide was considered a less-than-honorable death and consequently, we were due no financial support from the VA. In fact, the government workers at the local VA office treated me like I had a communicable disease and should be ignored at all costs. I sat for hours waiting to be told “there was another paper to file,” or, that I just “needed to be patient.” No one cared that I had children to feed and clothe. I went through a coroner’s inquest which changed the death certificate from suicide to “accidental due to an abnormal sexual act.” (auto-erotic asphyxia — remember David Carridine?). Accidental was the key word that should have made the paperwork flow faster. On the contrary — I had to start the paperwork all over!

    After six months with nothing from the VA (including the GI Bill funds — I started college with a loan), an Episcopal priest suggested I write to my Congressman. I did not understand how that would help, but I was getting desperate. The priest told me that he often had veterans in the congregation who needed treatment in the hospital, but the VA turned them away — “no beds available.” He said that he always helped them contact their Congressman, and suddenly a bed would open up at the VA.

    So, I wrote one of my Congressmen (who also happened to be head of the Armed Services Committee at that time), and within two weeks I received a letter from his office apologizing for the delay in receiving my benefits, and assuring me that everything had been straightened out. The following day I received a VA letter stating that I would now be receiving benefits starting the first of the following month. In a second envelope was a check for money owed my family from the time of my husband’s death until the current month.

    I pray that you had no problem with this, and that I am just boring you with my story. In fact, I pray that all of today’s young widows have had no problem with this……but, military suicide rates are at an all-time high, and I have not been able to find out if PTSD suicides are considered “honorable.” It is something no one wants to talk about, but I say — let’s talk! Every suicide leaves behind a number of shocked family members who frequently do not even know they are due benefits. And if Agent Orange is involved, that is another VA struggle that I pray about. My sister’s husband died of lung cancer from Agent Orange just two years ago, so sometimes there are even more benefits to investigate.

    Please, Adela, contact me and let me know how you were treated by those military men who came to your door. Did they help you with your benefits? Did you have a survivors assistance person to help you?

    If all is well with you and the VA, etc., just send up a prayer of gratitude for that blessing, and forget about contacting me. Use your time to take care of your precious son…..and do not forget to take care of yourself!

    May God bless you and enfold you in the warmth of His embrace.
    Sincerely,
    Martha Corkrin

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