Unifying the New Generation of Military Widows

Widow.  What does that word even mean?  We just got married am I really a widow?  Do I still count?  How can he leave me?  Why didn’t he take me with him?  WHY, WHY, WHY?  I loved him for years.  We made it through deployments!  My first ball I wasn’t supposed to say how old I was!

Mike was the best Sgt the Marine Corps ever had.  He reenlisted to get recruiting duty but they kept holding him back because he didn’t fit the weight requirement.  His nick name was “Ogre” because he was a power lifter.  Mike’s neck was larger than anything I’ve ever seen and his waste was tiny.  They didn’t care so he was taking ephedrine and barely eating anything.  I was worried about him.  I asked a man we knew who was high up in the navy and he told me if I said anything I would ruin his career.  If the Marines wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one.  I said nothing. 

Mike woke up at 4am to drive to work.  He gave me a kiss and told me we would have a date that night.  He drove to Camp Pendleton fell out of the hump.  The details are sketchy.  His chevrons were ripped off, someone spit in his face, and he was told he was better off to the Marine Corps dead.  Mike drove home put his id card in his front pocket, sat on the couch and shot himself.  A Marine never disobeys a command.

I was a 19 year old widow.  Was it someone’s fault?  For a long time I blamed myself.  If only I was there.  If only they didn’t treat him like that.  If only.  I should have.  Mike and my story isn’t so simple but really the details don’t matter.  I met a Marine whom I have loved since the day I laid eyes on him.  In August he will be gone 12 years and now I am glad he left me here.  I love Mike and I carry on his memory.  We never had our date but in June I will run in his memory and for TAPS in the Rock and Roll half Marathon.  I will run for every single one of our troops we have lost to suicide.  He will be with me and we will finally have our date.